Dear Sandy,

Everyone makes mistakes. But the tricky thing about little blunders is that they can have big blowbacks (like jail). No time like the present to save a client from mugshots and mess halls. So let’s get down to it, shall we? If you’re not giving me the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I can’t save you from the mess you’re about to be in.

To illustrate, let’s say there’s a young lady named Candy who catches her gal-pal, Brandy, doing the “midnight mambo” with Candy’s crush, Andy. Andy chooses Brandy, then Candy corners Brandy, ranting and raving until Candy’s slapped with disturbing the peace!

It seems Candy’s recently-crafted revenge daydream about Brandy is squashed. But -- miracle of miracles! -- later that night, a disguised stalker settles into a stakeout near Brandy’s house, equipped with patience, a ski mask, and a pair of binoculars. When the coast is clear, the avenger sneaks inside with a sledgehammer to decimate Brandy’s beloved nesting doll collection!

If the crime is in the cover-up, the perp’s done a sub-par job. Those cops are gonna follow the trail of broken dollface straight to the crook -- and once inevitably found, he or she faces vandalism, breaking and entering, et al. A “happily ever after” isn’t in the cards unless the perp levels with his/her lawyer about the ever-illusive topic of what actually happened.

Ring a bell, Sandy? With all due respect, you’re muddying the waters of your own freedom here. Take a moment, breathe. Have a piña colada or lie down with a cold washcloth on your head. Realize that facts are facts, and your lawyer needs them firsthand to help turn your alibi from drab to fab!

Give me a call, we’ll figure it out.

Yours in gravitas,

Saul Goodman