In the real world, Demi Moore has made pretty good decisions. She’s chosen some sort of regimen — natural or otherwise — that keeps her looking 30 years old. She’s made hit movies and married Ashton Kutcher, who actually is 30 years old. But onscreen, Moore’s characters do peculiar things. And some of the craziest things she’s done are not what you might think. Want proof? Take a look at her onscreen erratic behavior, starting in the eighties.
She Overdoses on White Stuff (and Pink Stuff), St. Elmo’s Fire
There’s plenty of crazy to go around in this postcollege classic. Jules (Moore) is a cocaine enthusiast who spends way beyond her means and is sleeping with her boss. Basically, she’s a walking eighties stereotype. But equally disturbing is her taste in decor. All the walls in her place are pink. Her idea of art? A man’s face painted on one wall, with a streak of neon running through his hair and a neon earring lighting up one ear. It might have seemed fabulous in the eighties, but if Jules were a real person she might be concerned that her drug habit has led to a really bad pink habit.
She Follows the Advice of a Dead Man, Ghost
Okay: Moore’s Molly reconnecting with her murdered lover, Sam (Patrick Swayze), is very romantic. And Swayze is charming and handsome and all that. But let’s be honest: people of sound mind don’t tend to take it on faith that someone is talking to them from beyond the grave, particularly when the medium (Whoopi Goldberg) delivering his messages is erratic and has a long criminal history. Plus she makes pottery in the middle of the night, when she can’t sleep. Who does that? Try reading or watching TV, like a normal person.
She Lets Her Prostitution Money Get Donated to a Hippo, Indecent Proposal
Making a deal with your husband that you’re going to spend the night with another man for a million dollars is demented. And it has disastrous consequences for Diana (Moore) and David (Woody Harrelson). So there’s that. But then, later, her character does something really bonkers. She goes back to Harrelson after he spends that hard-earned million on a hippopotamus. Really? That’s the thing that wins her back from the rich and powerful Robert Redford? Giving away the only money they had for a hippo? Love is blind — and, in this case, totally insane.
She Goes Out of Her Way to Serve on a Jury, The Juror
Fulfilling your civic duty is great and all, but everyone hates jury duty. Everyone! Except, apparently, Moore’s Annie, who ends up fixing a verdict so the mob doesn’t kill her son. But she’s only on the jury because she wants to be. That’s just psychotic. She should show up reluctantly, out of a sense of duty, like the rest of us. Even after the judge gives her a way out, telling her exactly what she has to say so he’ll excuse her, she says she wants to serve.
She Plans to Strip Her Way to a Better Life, Striptease
What’s crazy and entertaining about Demi’s character in Striptease is that she thinks she can win custody of her daughter by dancing at the Eager Beaver. But what’s really crazy is that she thinks she can win custody of her daughter by dancing at the Eager Beaver. That’s it. It doesn’t get any crazier than that. But she does draw the line when asked to wrestle in creamed corn, which shows — wait — nothing. Lady, you may as well have gone for it at that point.