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Come Again? Captain Hook and the Wicked Witch Go Out on a Low Note

The best movie characters use their last few words to tremendous effect, revealing crucial information or offering up something poignant by which to remember them. Alas, not everyone has the gravitas of Yoda or William Wallace. Sometimes final utterances are just really, really dumb. So which movie characters should be most ashamed of their last words? The following eight imbeciles.


8. The White Witch (Tilda Swinton) in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
“Impossible!” is all the White Witch can say before she is slain by the magical Aslan. At first, her surprise is understandable: She killed him earlier in the movie. But delve a bit deeper and one must wonder why, exactly, she’s so shocked. She lives in Narnia, for heaven’s sake. And she’s a witch!  It’s that “impossible” that the talking lion has been resurrected? Come on now.


7. Viki in I, Robot (2004)
Like most evil robots, it as only a matter of time before Viki gets deactivated, but considering she almost does in uber-action-star Will Smith beforehand, you’d think she’d be capable of avoiding cliches. Instead, she babbles, “My logic is undeniable … MY logic is undeniiiiabbllle…” Oh, that’s original. Nobody has ever heard of an evil robot that died while haltingly telling someone her logic is infallible and … taiiiillling … offf … sloooowly … into … silence.


6. Brint (Alexander Manning), Meekus (Alexander Skarsgard) and Rufus (Asio Highsmith) in Zoolander (2001)
It’s bad enough the way Brint, Meekus and Rufus bite the dust: Killed by a lit cigarette in the midst of a gasoline fight. What’s even worse? The last thing they they squeal in unison, “Orange Mocha Frappucino!” Are those really the words that you want as your last imprint on this earth to be before you are devoured in a fireball? Morons.


5. Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) in Hook (1991)
Oh, that Capt. Hook is such a manly tough guy, what with his bristling mustache and giant hat — except that, for some inexplicable reason, he spends his entire life tracking and attacking a bunch of scared runaways. On the occasion of his death, as a giant alligator clock is about to crush his head, Captain Hook reveals his true self by whimpering “I want my mommy!” Pathetic, Hook! Just pathetic.


4. The Joker (Jack Nicholson) in Batman (1989)
Super villains are usually finished off while chatting it up with their nemeses. Typically, there’s a clever pun involved: “Time to split!” as the villain is chopped in half, or some such. On most occasions though, the pun is said by the slayer, not the victim. But the Joker takes charge and makes that fatal pun himself. The last crack he gets out of those ruby-red lips? “Sometimes I just kill myself.” Har.


3. Sir Bors (Terry Gilliam) in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)
Sir Bors suffers the misfortune of having his head bitten off by an adorable bunny rabbit. He has the even greater misfortune of touting his superiority and imminent victory over the rabbit immediately prior to the attack. The last thing he says before the bunny gets him is “Silly little bleeder! One rabbit stew coming right up!” And then the bunny takes its vengeance.


2. Tessio (Abe Vigoda) in The Godfather (1972)
When Tessio realizes his betrayal of his boss, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), has not gone unnoticed, he’s surrounded by some goons and it’s clear that the jig is up. Does he take it like a man? Nope. He makes a sad appearl to his old friend Tom (Robert Duvall), “Can you get me off the hook? For old times’ sake?” For a member of the tough-as-nails Corleone family, there’s nothing worse than going out with an unmanly whimper.


1. The Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton) in The Wizard of Oz (1939)
This Witch, bane of an entire world, suffers the ultimate indignity of being killed by a bucket of water. Her final words don’t do a whole lot to mitigate the undignified nature of her exit as she screeches “Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!?” she manages to reveal a flaw in her reign of terror over Oz. Of course, like others she feels the need to die mid-sentence, telling Dorothy “Ah, I’m going! Ahhhhhhhh! Noo! Ahhh!” before sputtering out for good. 


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