It’s a real Cinderella story: Ryan Seacrest, one of the richest entertainment hosts in history, is about to get $45 million richer.
For the next three years, the host of “American Idol” and heir to Dick
Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve will get $15 million a year to have a good tan and smarm it up like nobody’s business. So what’s a rich guy to
do when he’s got nothin’ but money and time? If Seacrest is smart,
he’ll take some cues from these Hollywood.
1. Iron Man (2008)
What do you get the rich arms manufacturer that has everything? Why,
your own weaponized fight suit, if your Robert Downey
Jr., at least. To be fair, his character Tony Stark did build the suit of
armor to break free from terrorists who were holding him hostage, the
bazillionaire did create several suits of flying armor on his own
dime. We expect to see Seacrest zipping around the L.A. skyline in no
2. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Rich and bored? Throw on a mask and attend a possibly
imaginary sex orgy! If there’s one lesson Tom Cruise learns in Stanley
Kubrick’s last movie, it’s that rich people don’t have the same sex as
poor people. Donning a cape and a mask, Cruise sneaks into a Manhattan
townhouse literally packed with the rich and elite doing all kinds of unmentionable things. With the kind of opulence on display in
Eyes Wide Shut, Seacrest would have to spend most of his fortune to
host just one night of the orgiastic
goings-on… But it’d probably be worth it.
3. The Game (1997)
One thing you can’t do with $45 million is halt the aging process, so
our host with the most will need to start thinking about what
to do on his next birthday. He could take a cue from Michael Douglas’
brother in this action flick, who stages an elaborate game that takes
Douglas halfway across the world, locks him into a
coffin, and ends with Douglas crashing through a skylight and landing
in the middle of pile of presents as a crowd yells, “Surprise!” Doesn’t
that sound like fun?
4. Indecent Proposal (1990)
back to the sex. If this psycho-drama is any indication, Seacrest
could certinaly find ways of relieving bedroom boredom by breaking up
happy marriages: To recap, Robert Redford’s multi-millionaire offers
million dollars for a night with Woody Harrelson’s wife, Demi Moore,
just to see what would happen. The nice thing about Seacrest’s
contract is that he can make up to 45 indecent proposals. Or 90 semi-decent proposals, if he prefers.
5. The Toy (1982)
When all else fails, Seacrest could always just buy himself a human being.
In The Toy,
a young boy, son of the owner of a toy store, is told he
can have anything in the store — and he picks Richard Pryor, the
“cleaning lady.” Now, no one’s saying these kinds of shenanigans are
acceptable in 2009. But with all the broke souls roaming Hollywood
these days, surely there are jobs to land?
1. Mr. Deeds (2002):
Maybe Seacrest should take a hint from Adam
Sandler’s character in this 2002 comedy, and stay modest. Of course,
then he’d never have the chance to get the girl. Decisions, decisions.
2. Richie Rich (1994): Perhaps Mr. Seacrest could use some of his
money to build a baseball diamond on his property, like little master
Rich does in this movie? It’s a great way to make friends…
3. The Beverly Hillbillies (1993): If Seacrest wants to be taken
seriously as part of the new rich elite, he should probably spend some
money on French lessons, like Jed Clampett forces Elly May to do in
this big screen adaptation.
4. Brewster’s Millions (1985): Will Seacrest have to spend exactly
$45 million in 45 days to get $450 million, like Richard Pryor did in
this remake? Probably not, but it couldn’t hurt to try.
5. Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971): When you have all the
money in the world, why not build a multi-dimensional chocolate
factory? Imagine the possibilities!