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Horror Power Ranking – February 2, 2009

While audiences across the country were terrified by the antics of a Mall Cop or watching a football game, the rest of us were eagerly anticipating who would take lead in the Horror Power Ranking. Finally, after weeks of waiting, it’s the king of horror himself: Jason. One little note of derision, though — in one of those movie sneak peek segments they show in theaters before the previews, Friday the 13th star Jared Padalecki said, “This movie will do for camping what Jaws did for swimming. People won’t camp for a month afterwards.” Right… So you think people are going to stop camping in the middle of the winter now? Fat chance, Padalecki. Though, after 30 days, it’s right back to camping, I guess. Enough shooting actors in a barrel, let’s get to the ranking:

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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW Movie
1 2 friday13th0307-75x75.jpg Friday the 13th
After weeks of slowly climbing the charts, Jason finally takes his rightful place in the top spot. The advertising has been intense and non-stop, and with only two weeks to go, will only get bigger. Bring on the kills.
2 dragmetohell-75x75.jpg Drag Me to Hell
A new, non-Spider-Man Sam Raimi movie is reason to celebrate. A new Sam Raimi horror movie is a reason to party in the streets. A new Sam Raimi horror film that’s getting great advanced reviews? There’s no way to measure that kind of happiness.
3 1 underworld-rise-75x75.jpg Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Having finally seen this in the theater, I can safely say there’s a way it could have been sillier… But I’m not quite sure how. Granted, that’s how I like my Underworld movies, and it seemed like the packed audience did, too.
4 3 mybloodyvalentine3d-75x75.jpg My Bloody Valentine 3D
Bloody Valentine drops down a slot because it doesn’t seem to be catching fire at the box office. Non-horror fans seem uninterested; horror fans haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet. Clearly, 3D does not guarantee appointment viewing.
5 deathtroopers-75x75.jpg DeathTroopers
Star Wars + Survival Horror = Geek Paradise. I don’t have much more to say to this, other than I bet Deathtroopers will do for the Death Star, what Jaws did for swimming: You won’t want to go into the Death Star for a month.
6 8 grace-75x75.jpg Grace
I keep hearing incredible advanced buzz on this movie, which was the horror hit of Sundance. You know how we haven’t seen actual horror in a long time, just cats jumping out at you, and wet backwards-girls? This remedies that, in spades.
7 9 uninvited-75x75.jpg The Uninvited
Grady Hendrix kind of liked it. Scott Sigler analyzed it. Audiences are avoiding it. We’re bumping it up two spots for our compatriots interest, but don’t expect the movie to hang around much longer.
8 thething-75x75.jpg The Thing
Every time I start to get upset about the Thing remake, I remember that John Carpenter’s iconic movie was actually a remake itself. Then I remember John Carpenter directed it, so until we hear someone good is attached, I’m not interested.
9 6 LesbianVampireKillers-75x75.jpg Lesbian Vampire Killers
Normally, I’d be into the idea of lesbians, vampires, and killers all in the same movie. But with Friday the 13th heating up, and Grace ready to bring real horror back, is there room for a goofy horror comedy? I say, nope.
10 resident-evil-3-75x75.jpg Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil is easily my favorite series of trash horror-action movies (followed by Underworld), but if, as rumor has it, that Milla Jovovich is being written out of the four-quel, then I’m going camping for a month.
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