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Horror Power Ranking – December 15, 2008

What’s in a name? The name of a movie can be ridiculously fun, like Lesbian Vampire Killers. It can remind you of something you once loved, like Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street . Or, it can be actively terrible, like Final Destination: Death Trip 3D, which is actually the fourth movie in the series. A rose by another name might be just as sweet, but a good horror movie lives and dies by its appellation:

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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW Movie
1 LesbianVampireKillers-75x75.jpg Lesbian Vampire Killers
Just to clear things up, the title refers to the killers of lesbian vampires, not lesbians who kill vampires. The movie doesn’t come out until March, and only in the UK, but I’ve already started writing some wicked fan-fic.
2 paris-by-night-movie-75x75.jpg Paris by Night of the Living Dead
How to get noticed in the busy marketplace? Give your movie a ridiculous title! Though there are no lesbians in this one, the ridiculous over-the-top action make this movie worth keeping our eyes on.
3 1 friday13th0307-75x75.jpg Friday the 13th
Poor Friday the 13th can’t compete with the crazily named horror movies at number one and two. Maybe if it was called Undead Hockey Mask Wearing Freak, or Revenge of the Mama’s Boy, it would be back at on top this week.
4 nightmare-on-elm-street-freddy-headshot-small-75x75.jpg Nightmare on Elm Street
Considering how good Friday the 13th looks, I’m a little more hopeful than usual about Platinum Dunes’ Nightmare on Elm Street reboot, which now has the go-ahead. Still apprehensive, (I love my Freddy), but there’s a chance this could be good.
5 unborn_poster2-75x75.jpg The Unborn
This movie has a lot going for it: David Goyer, fresh off writing The Dark Knight; Gary Oldman, who is bad in nothing; and a classic demonic possession plot. Then there’s the new poster, which isn’t bad, butt… And yes, there are two t’s on purpose.
6 3 buffy-the-vampire-slayer-75x75.jpg Buffy the Vampire Slayer
She may have won the Monster Hunter Tournament, but Buffy can’t get a break in Hollywood. Twilight‘s success has scuttled plans for more vampy romance movies than it has inspired. And you don’t get more vampy or romancy than Buffy.
7 new-moon-75x75.jpg New Moon
Speaking of Twilight, was there a way Summit could have garnered more ill will for the sequel than firing Catherine Hardwicke, who gave them the biggest opening by a female director, ever? Bad move, guys.
8 final-destination-3d75x75.jpg Final Destination: Death Trip 3D
Yup, that’s the new title for Final Destination 4. I actually had to check several times to make sure that this wasn’t a 3D remake of Final Destination 3, or a theme park ride. Not that Final Destination 4 3D would be a better title, but still…
9 4 TheyLive-75x75.jpg They Live
So last week I said I was OK with a They Live remake. The more I think about it, though, I’m not. Worse than a Nightmare reboot, worse even than a terrible title for a 3D film, is making a serious movie out of something that is cheesy fun.
10 5 mybloodyvalentine3d-75x75.jpg My Bloody Valentine 3D
I know this is kind of ridiculous, but the stupid title for the Final Destination sequel has made me hate My Bloody Valentine. Yes, you’re movie is in 3D. Congratulations, now you can charge us five bucks more for tickets.

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