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Hey, GQ, How Could You Forget…?

Recently, GQ revealed its picks for the all-time 25 sexiest women in film, which featured everyone from Karen Allen in Animal House to Jean Seberg in Breathless. It was a well-written list that managed to stay classy even while featuring the occasional bare boob.

However, after reading the article and wiping the drool from our chins, some of us noticed some glaring omissions, 15 to be exact. And we figured the only way to remedy that was to come up with an addendum of our own picks for the sexiest performances that GQ missed. Here it is… with video goodness!

1) Jane Fonda, Barbarella. This one’s a pretty blatant no-brainer: Barbarella, ‘the most beautiful creature of the future,’ is sci-fi sex from top to bottom. (Fonda’s husky voice is the only thing that ruins the mystique.) Whether facing punishment in the ‘excessive machine’ or canoodling with ‘Dildano,’ Barbarella’s adventures offer a lusty alternative to an evening spent with Jabba. Christopher Null

2) Anita Ekberg, La Dolce Vita. Ekberg’s Sylvia doesn’t mean overly much to the story of La Dolce Vita, but her signature scene is so wholly unforgettable that a snapshot from it was used for the poster — and continues to be the iconic image from the film. Traipsing around in the Trevi Fountain in a strapless evening gown that seems destined to slip off any second, Ekberg is a statuesque goddess that is wholly unforgettable. Warning: Do NOT go searching for current photos of Ekberg. She now looks like Toshiro Mifune. CN

3) Linda Fiorentino (Bridget Gregory), The Last Seduction. Forget Fiorentino’s disregard for clothes and the gravelly, ‘let’s go upstairs’ voice. Throughout the movie, her character manipulates two dopes (Bill Pullman and Peter Berg) like an Ed Sullivan Show puppeteer, and all you can think is how alluring she is doing it. Sexiness is also about confidence, humor, and smarts, qualities Fiorentino has in lethal doses. She’s the best kind of bad girl. Pete Croatto

4) Heather Graham (Rollergirl), Boogie Nights. Graham’s stunning body is a big reason she’s here, but so is director Paul Thomas Anderson’s little touches with the performance. When Graham undresses for the first time, her casualness makes what’s underneath that much more eye-popping — a tough feat. Plus, by wearing roller skates all the time, Anderson gives a perfectly innocent item, as well as Graham’s all-American looks, a perverse flair. In the 11 years since that movie’s release, Graham hasn’t come close to replicating the heat of this performance. PC

5) Scarlett Johansson (Nola Rice), Match Point. In the role that announces Johansson’s fully adult seductive power, she shows how a vixenish femme fatale goes about enslaving any man she sets her hungering eyes on — in this case, an attractive, married tennis pro, Chris Wilton (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). She purrs, playfully implies, and wordlessly promises, reducing her quarry to a state of helplessness. If you smell something burning, it’s the screen. ‘Men always seem to wonder. They think I’d be something very special,’ she says in invitational tones. ‘And, are you?’ comes the knee-jerk response by the tennis pro. ‘Well, no one’s ever asked for their money back.’ Immortal words that Johansson can make book on. Jules Brenner

6) Maggie Gyllenhaal (Lee Holloway), Secretary. In the role that made her career, Gyllenhaal plays a mousy, troubled woman whose relationship with her new boss (James Spader) veers toward some very bizarre behavior. Folks who watch the movie will get to see Gyllenhaal fitted with a saddle and peeing in a wedding dress, but what truly gets your attention is her character’s gradual transition into sexual and spiritual independence. She blossoms into womanhood right before our bewildered eyes. PC

7) Michelle Pfeiffer (Suzy Diamond), The Fabulous Baker Boys. The gang at GQ honored Pfeiffer for her performance in Scarface, where she essentially was a beautiful piece of scenery, like a sunset or Jessica Alba. A much better selection is this 1989 forgotten gem, which features Pfeiffer in a skin-tight dress and slinking on top of a piano while ripping through ‘Makin’ Whoopee.’ In an era of big hair and spandex, Pfeiffer’s smoky performance (yes, she’s actually singing) is timeless and breathless. PC

8.) Isabella Ros
sellini (Lisle von Rhoman),
Death Becomes Her. It never occurred to us that strings of beads could credibly sub in for a blouse, but the gothic Rossellini pulls off the look with aplomb. Still we can’t decide if immortality is a turn-on or not. You be the judge. CN

9) Jennifer Lopez (Karen Sisco), Out of Sight. If you’ve forgotten about the time before Lopez became a commodity that looks and acts like a Latin Fembot, behold her federal marshal and George Clooney’s bank robber sharing a drink before silently undressing in front of each other. If she hadn’t opted for commerce, Lopez could have been the smart and sexy screen icon of the 21st century. Instead, she made Monster-in-Law and The Wedding Planner. Well done. PC

10) Kate Winslet (Sarah Pierce), Little Children. Ever since Titanic, the supremely talented Winslet could be described much like a hearty red wine: bold, sensual, elegant, full-bodied. In 2006’s Little Children, she fully ripened, blasting through untapped sexuality and suburban ennui with a seriously hardcore summer affair. And we sincerely believed, when all was said and done, a woman like her would do the right thing: Is there anything sexier than that? Norm Schrager

11) Maria Bello (Edie Stall), A History of Violence. Sure, A History of Violence will probably end up being the film of the decade and, yeah, it’s the shining hour in the upper tier of David Cronenberg’s unparalleled career. In frat-boy terms, however, is there a better moment in the master’s oeuvre than Bello sauntering out of her upstairs bathroom in that blue-and-yellow cheerleader outfit or going at it with Viggo Mortensen on the stairs of her rural home? Bello’s career has veered off the beaten path, thus excluding her from ‘icon’ status, but we’ll always have Indiana. For extra points, there’s that first encounter with William H. Macy in Wayne Kramer’s underrated The Cooler. Chris Cabin

12) Marisa Tomei (Gina Hanson), Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead. Excluding the fact that he was in The Big Lebowski and that he got to play Lester Bangs, have you ever wanted to be Philip Seymour Hoffman more than in that opening scene of Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead? (If you don’t know what we’re talking about, rent it now.) After her early, questionable Oscar win, Tomei has slowly revealed herself not only to be a perceptive actress (In the Bedroom, the upcoming The Wrestler) but a startlingly seductive presence, whipping her dark chestnut locks around to reveal those penetrating brown eyes. But Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead is her most smoldering work, not only in that jaw-dropping opener but simply lounging around topless, waiting for Ethan Hawke to decide if he wants to another romp. CC

13) Jamie Lee Curtis (Helen Tasker), True Lies. For funniest moments from the ’80s, one of my top picks will always be Jamie Lee Curtis writhing in pleasure as John Cleese speaks Russian and strips down to his tighty-whities in A Fish Called Wanda. Like Marisa Tomei, age has not dulled but refined this woman’s seductive qualities, and one need no more proof than the climactic striptease in True Lies, where she performs for a criminal mastermind who turns out to be her husband (Arnold Schwarzenegger). I’ve never been much for short hair, but when Curtis starts gyrating to that bluesy stomp, she owns the screen. Ditto for the way she recovers that microchip. CC

14) Asia Argento (Sandra), Boarding Gate. Beware the delectable female looking for past relationship revenge. If she’s anything like the male-taunting Roman sex-pot Asia Argento, she’ll spread her legs and stroke herself just to pile on the frustration after turning a lusty love-making embrace with ex-boss/lover Michael Madsen into sexual torture. This killer babe has all the sensual bait she needs to singe the screen with a self-assured display of erogenous temptation worthy of Eros, the god who named it. But to go any further into the frustration and indignity she can make you suffer before she kisses or kills you would be enough to give Goldilocks a triple-X rating and drive you into a quick cold shower. JB

15) Milla Jovovich (Leeloo), The Fifth Element. Director Luc Besson brings perky dynamite to a futuristic planet Earth in a tissue-processing reconstruction of Milla’s desirable, flawless, nakedly wondrous body. Thermal bandages go on as a revealing outfit to arouse the male imagination while she romps around, gorgeously dodging police, acrobatically smashing ugly goons, and stunning co-star Bruce Willis (and us guys) into goofy attentiveness. Tissue processing, indeed. JB

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