This week sees the return of some old favorites (Midnight Meat Train!) to the chart after last week’s remake-a-palooza. Meanwhile, as the political scene becomes increasingly divisive, it’s comforting to know that we can all come together in our shared hatred of Uwe Boll. Cast your vote for quality horror below.
|Horror Power Rankings|
|Rank||LW||Movie (or Comic, etc.)|
|1||–||28 Months Later
Danny Boyle returning to the director’s chair for another outing is good news after the underwhelming 28 Weeks Later. Still, how many Rage outbreaks can there be? If 28 Years Later is next, count me out.
|2||–||Midnight Meat Train
How did Clive Barker’s cult hit rocket back to the top of the chart? Could it be the news of its on-demand debut in time for Halloween? Or Barker’s hosting of the premiere? Either way, now’s your chance to actually see it.
Harold Ramis confirmed rumors that the original cast and Judd Apatow’s crew will be involved. While we’d prefer a Jonah Hill-less sequel, the return of the original four keeps the ‘busters high on the chart.
The good news: It’s a horror film from Oldboy director Chan-Woo Park. The bad: It’s yet another vampire movie. But Park’s track record, and news of a U.S. release, helps Thirst come in strong.
|5||–||Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds
The new trailer suggests the second outing will be more of a straightforward gorefest. Still, we have to applaud John Gulagher, the only Project Greenlight contestant to make a movie that didn’t make us leap for the remote.
The release of the 20th Anniversary Edition DVD led to an army of Chuckys invading Manhattan. Memo to Don Mancini: There’s your plot for the next installment.
|7||–||Captive Jessica Alba
The poster for Jessica Alba’s new torture porn flick dropped this week and — What’s that? It’s a political ad? Well, it’s certainly creepier than anything in Alba’s remake of The Eye.
Is this really all we get until October? A throwback romantic fantasy even coked-up Robin Williams would’ve turned down in 1989? A remake of The Frighteners would be better than this dreck. Ricky Gervais fans deserve better.
Original cast member JoBeth Williams doesn’t think the remake is necessary. JoBeth’s great on Dexter, so whatever she says goes.
How awful does a Uwe Boll film have to be to go directly to DVD? Even In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale got a theatrical release. How’s that petition going?