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Horror Power Ranking List – August 11, 2008

This week on the Horror Rankings, we go to bat for Midnight Meat Train, and Mirrors, and take the bat to The Haunting of Molly Hartley, and Hostel Part III. (Though we’re not sure if “taking the bat” to something is an actual expression.) Plus, the best horror comic on the shelves, Locke and Key makes an appearance. Seriously, it’s also the only horror comic that is actually frightening. Let’s get to the rankings:

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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW   Movie (or Comic, etc.)
1 1 midnight-meat-train.jpg Midnight Meat Train
OK, we’re going to try this again, as the Meat Train needs your help, and readers were having trouble finding a local theater: head over here, and find out how to get the Meat Train back on track!
2 2 mirrors-75x75.jpg Mirrors
Though not quite as needy as Midnight Meat Train, Mirrors also needs help… mainly from online bashing. C’mon, people: Alexandre Aja is a very good director. You’re finally getting good horror, and all you do is complain?
3 hellride-75x75.jpg Hell Ride
Here’s what I parsed from our mostly positive review of Hell Ride: Michael Madsen; Vinnie Jones; Dennis Hopper; David Carradine; and the phrase, “large number of arrows are fired into soft bodies.” I’m there.
4 lockeandkey-75x75.jpg Locke & Key
Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez’s masterful horror comic series from IDW (why hasn’t this been picked up for a film yet?) ends its first six issues with a bang. This is the best horror comic on the shelves.
5 fridaythe13th.jpg Friday the 13th
I’m still hesitant to recommend this remake as much as the top three movies on the list, but this bootlegged behind the scenes (really? already?) footage is starting to give me a little hope.
6 5 twilight.jpg Twilight
With Breaking Dawn‘s ending causing fans to riot (the last book in the series, for those of you who don’t know), the Twilight backlash has begun. So why is Twilight ranking so high? Because it’s super embarrassing for fans. Hee hee.
7 haunting-75x75.jpg The Haunting of Molly Hartley
I had never heard of this movie before watching the trailer; but now that I have, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually a movie at all, but one of those fake, funny online trailers. I mean, look at how the girl playing Molly Hartley runs: Hilarious!
8 4 hellboy2-75x75.jpg Hellboy II: The Golden Army
I asked you guys whether Hellboy II warranted a sequel. You guys still haven’t answered, so I’m going to assume the answer is no. Hence, Hellboy ranks lower than an embarrassing book and a possibly fake trailer. Sorry, Big Red.
9 hostel-75x75.jpg Hostel Part III
Having just read another article about the sequel, I’ll officially go on record by saying this is a bad idea. Eli Roth writes and directs horror movies that are actually comedies, and without him on board, I don’t think they’ll get the tone.
10 8 mummy-75x75.jpg The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
There’s actually been a backlash to the backlash against the Mummy, with people saying, “C’mon, it’s just a silly action movie. It’s not that bad.” No. It is. You’re wrong. Sorry. 
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