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Horror Power Ranking List – June 30, 2008

With the recent announcement of Fantasia Fest’s line-up, there’s a whole bunch of new horror movies on the List to start getting excited about. Plus, see if you can tell how I’m cleverly trying to convince AMC to let me do a Horror Musical Power Ranking List. It’s pretty well hidden, but I think you’ll catch the clues if you look closely enough…

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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW   Movie (or Comic, etc.)
1 repo-75x75.jpg Repo: The Genetic Opera
“Hey Alex! You know how you like horror movies, and musicals? I’m a horror musical. Also, you like Buffy, right? Well Giles (Anthony Stewart Head) stars in me. Oh, also, my trailer looks like a comic book. I’ll see you in August, okay?”
2 5 mummy-75x75.jpg The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
I’m starting to get pretty darn excited for The Mummy. Why? Because of simple math. Jet Li > Arnold Vosloo. Rob Cohen > Stephen Sommers. And yes, Maria Bello > Rachel Weisz. Therefore, Mummy 3 > Mummies 1 & 2. See? Math.
3 mandylane-75x75.jpg All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
Finally, one of the best horror flicks to be made in recent years gets a release date and a poster. And, by release date, I mean it’ll play at the Fantasia Film Festival with our number one pick this week, Repo, as well as our number four pick…
4 midnight-meat-train.jpg Midnight Meat Train
When I first heard this title, I literally laughed out loud. But the more I think about it, the more I’ve come to believe that’s on purpose. And, after the seriousness of recent horror films, I’m looking forward to one that’s just plain silly.
5 2 hapening-75x75.jpg The Happening
We have to make room for all the new guys somehow, so Happening drops down three slots on the List, but not in our hearts. It may not be Shyamalan’s best work to date (that’s Signs, by the way), but it’s certainly better than you’ve heard.
6 xfiles-75x75.jpg The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Okay, let’s all do an experiment. I want to start getting excited for the new X-Files movie; really, I do. So this weekend, let’s all make a pact to watch one episode from the show that you remember liking, and then meet back here in one week. Deal?
7 6 strangers-75x75.jpg The Strangers
It’s starting to feel like the success of The Strangers was the last gasp of the Torture-porn genre. We could spend forever analyzing what that all means, but let’s just say musicals are the wave of the future, and leave it at that.
8 8 fridaythe13th.jpg Friday the 13th
…Which of course, begs the question, how much more would we be looking forward to the Friday the 13th remake if Jason would sing just one, measly little song? Honestly, is it that hard? I’ll start: “I’ve got a mask… A mask made by you, Mom.”
9 3 mirrors-75x75.jpg Mirrors
Why the precipitous plunge for the Kiefer Sutherland movie where he’s terrorized by reflective surfaces? Because I forgot it existed, until I sat down to put together this list. Sorry, Kief, but The Lost Boys this ain’t.
10 10 twilight.jpg Twilight
I got a message begging me to check out this video, which takes 90 seconds of footage, and stretches it into a three and a half minute music video. I’d say I hated it, except they clearly know I’m a total sucker for Michelle Branch. Damn them.

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