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Zombie Strippers Review: Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund Can’t Bring This One to Life

Zombie Strippers Review: Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund Can’t Bring This One to Life” width=”560″/>

In the ’80s, seduced by the novelty of a brand new invention called the video camera, hordes of amateur filmmakers turned out dozens of clumsy straight-to-video horror cheapies like Doom Asylum and Video Violence 1 & 2 that clogged the shelves of mom and pop video stores across the country. Intoxicated by nostalgia, fans have developed warm fuzzies for these movies, so one big “thank you” to Zombie Strippers — for reminding us just how bad they really were.

Zombie Strippers does deliver on the three implied promises in its title: There are zombies, there are strippers and there are zombie strippers. Beyond that, all bets are off. Relentlessly cheap, ugly and boring, this is the kind of movie that raises the eternal questions, like, “If the producers had enough money to hire Robert “Freddy Krueger” Englund, to mug for a few scenes, didn’t they have enough money to go on a nice vacation somewhere instead of making this movie?” And “Did Jenna Jameson really think this was a step up from porn?”

Pilfered YouTube footage sets the scene: A tiresomely satirical near-future in which America is constantly fighting wars overseas and George W. Bush has just been elected to his fourth term in office. Trying to improve Army retention rates, scientists manufacture a drug that turns dead soldiers into zombies, but an infected soldier escapes to a nearby strip club and bites the star stripper, Jenna Jameson. Her reanimated corpse turns out to be an even more popular pole dancer and… she… um…yawn.

… sorry, I fell asleep for a minute there — something that’ll happen to you often if you make the mistake of buying a ticket to this frightful fright flick. The sub-par special effects go for maximum gross out, but since they look to have been done overnight by the janitorial staff at a cut rate effects emporium, they have as much of an impact as a screen saver. But there is real horror here, true horror that will make your skin crawl and your mouth scream — the strippers.

Like Ed Wood’s Orgy of the Dead ,
most of the running time in this film consists of strippers strutting
their stuff. Strippers that’ll send chills down your spine: Sporting
five o’clock shadow, pocked skin, and electrolysis burns, these go-go dancers will have you crying, “stop-stop.”

Fans of Jenna Jameson who’ve always
wanted to see her do some bloody real acting already will have a hard time telling whether she can really act or not. To her credit, she does dance like she really needs to earn tips. Zombie Strippers thinks it’s a clever, self-conscious
camp-fest with a twinkle in its eye. It’s not. Directed and produced with
a leering mentality, this flick’s delights not only in nudity, but in nudity drenched in gore then torn apart by
teeth, fingernails and bullets. Ultimately, it leaves you with the same
bad taste you’d get after licking a hobo’s feet.

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