Inside Bleeds, AvP – Requiem Oozes, Dungeon Siege Implodes” width=”560″/>
Feel like you’ve seen it all? Unless you caught the French film Inside (À l’intérieur) at a festival, you missed out on a home-invasion story that throws all the punches that Funny Games pulled. On the eve of her induced labor, a pregnant woman fends off a relentless stalker hellbent on DIY baby-snatching (a real-life phenomenon that turns up with disturbing frequency in the news). Like many horror films, the whole thing threatens to collapse if you ask “why?” too persistently. For example, has anyone ever really been able to throw a pair of ordinary scissors so that they actually stick into something? (Actually, a cursory search of YouTube for “throw scissors” has me suddenly feeling a little faint.) But if you can stomach the disorientingly gruesome climax between predator and prey, you’ll be rewarded with one of the most haunting and artistic final images in horror movie history.
“Haunting” and “artistic” are words that were used by some to describe all four of the Alien movies (yes, even the embattled last two). The AvP
franchise, however, has inherited its artistic sensibilities from
Arnie’s side of the family. Therefore, the only good thing about Alien vs. Predator: Requiem coming out on DVD is that die-hard Alien fans like myself can now rent it for just a few bucks, watch it in total secrecy, and then never speak of it again.
Sadly, not even a mother could love In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (ITNOTK:ADST).
Unless of course it’s just the PG-13 rating that catches her eye. Uwe
Boll diverted his attention from horror for about 10 minutes last year,
just long enough to direct a video game adaptation that cribs from Lord of the Rings. But, said the AV Club’s Scott Tobias, “It costs just as much (or more) to see In The Name Of The King as it did to see the Lord Of The Rings movies, so where are the savings?” Starring Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman, and Jason Statham (as a farmer named “Farmer”), ITNOTK:ADST may seem too toxic to touch, but after the tension of Inside and the trauma of AvP: Requiem you’ll probably be in dire need of a good hard laugh.