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Suicidal Sci-Fi Inventions Exposed


The now retro-futuristic 50’s and 60’s saw the millennium skies gleaming with chromium air cars and jet pack mailmen rocketeering on their delivery rounds. This has made the rallying cry of the retro-futurism movement — cynics like me who are bored by the uninventive mundanity of actual 21st century tech — to whine, "Where’s our jetpack, science?" at every opportunity.

Still, when we deflate the bags of ether we’re huffing, it soon becomes clear that a lot of retro-futurism’s lusted-for tech is a really bad idea. Cars only become more dangerous when a punctured tire causes 8,000 pounds of jagged, flaming metal to come hurtling out of the sky at 32 miles per second per second. Jet packs leave charred stumps where legs should be. And so on.

Cracked has a great look at the 5 Sci-Fi Inventions That Every Geek Wants Until They Actually Think About It For A Second. Jet packs and flying cars make the list, but I was glad to see teleporters make the list too. The idea of teleportation technology always made me feel philosophically oogy: if you aren’t suicidal, or too smart not to think about it for a second, you essentially have to believe that your consciousness is attached to a matterless soul that is automatically reattached to your teleported copy when it materializes in the other pod.

Or, as Cracked aptly puts it, "So, the first time Captain Kirk used the teleportation device to beam down to an alien planet, he was basically resigning himself to an immediate death and hoping that his twin would carry out the mission for him." Certainly not the stupidest thing Kirk’s done, but pretty close.

5 Awesome Sci-Fi Inventions That Would Actually Suck [Cracked]

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