According to Dr. David Levy of the University of Maastricht, the people of Massachusetts will be having sex with robots by the year 2012. And as a native-born Bostonian whose unslaked technological lusts has taken him from the cyber-brothels of Tokyo to the chipboard flesh markets of Berlin, all I can say is "Finally! A reason to go back to Boston!"
Levy — who just completed his Ph.D. work on the subject of human-robot relationships — claims that humans will start having sex with robots by 2012, with marriage legislation to follow by 2050. And just in case you were worried that just any nutball with a boner for a Roomba could get a PhD in human-robot relationships, check out his indisputable argument for the future robot sex craze to feverishly grip America:
At first, sex with robots might be considered geeky, "but once you have a story like ‘I had sex with a robot, and it was great!’ appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I’d expect many people to jump on the bandwagon," Levy said.
Precisely. I once let a buffalo excrete all over my chest because Kate Moss said she digged it in Cosmo, and if I’m willing to do that, I’m willing to go home with a Marilyn Monrobot. After all, there is no sexual deviancy so revolting and profane that a casual mention in a fashion magazine won’t get me trying it like the brainwashed bovine that I am.
I shall end my sarcasm here, though. Levy’s larger point is that there are a lot of people who are lonely, who aren’t capable of emotional attachments with fellow humans, and so these people will turn to robots for love. That’s a more sensible argument, because we’re already seeing it in real dolls. But it is absurd that Levy thinks any government is going to start granting marriage licenses between people and robots in the next few decades: if you don’t see people marrying dildos now, you’re not going to see people marrying robots anytime in the near future.Read More