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Nothing’s more fun than quoting a good movie line. Except for lawn darts, that is. But this is a movie website, and dag nabbit, we’re gonna quote some movies.

Recently we polled the contributing staff to see what bubbled up as the most eminently quotable lines in moviedom.. Note that we’re not including any ‘Show me the money!’ or ‘You can’t handle the truth’ or ‘I coulda been a contender’ crap. These are the real 50 best quotes ever said in the movies — the stuff that transcends cliché and the stuff we just can’t stop repeating until our girlfriends simply have to leave the room. (And for the sake of everyone’s sanity, we are strictly avoiding Monty Python quotes in this feature as well.)

Enjoy it.

-Christopher Null,

50. ‘Ahhhhh, I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too…’ Office Space

49. ‘Aristotle was not Belgian, the central message of Buddhism is not ‘every man for himself’, and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.’ A Fish Called Wanda

48. ‘Mr. Brown? That sounds too much like Mr. Shit.’ Reservoir Dogs

47. ‘This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.’ – American Pie

46. ‘There’s no secret handshake. There’s an IQ prerequisite, but there’s no secret handshake.’ Reality Bites

45. ‘Is it safe? Is it safe?’

    ‘You’re talking to me?’
    ‘Is it safe?’
    ‘Is what safe?’
    ‘Is it safe?’
    ‘I don’t know what you mean. I can’t tell you something’s safe or not, unless I know specifically what you’re talking about.’
    ‘Is it safe?’
    ‘Tell me what the ‘it’ refers to.’
    ‘Is it safe?’
    ‘Yes, it’s safe, it’s very safe, it’s so safe you wouldn’t believe it.’
    ‘Is it safe?’
    ‘No. It’s not safe, it’s… very dangerous, be careful.’ Marathon Man

44. ‘It says ‘Crunchy.” Charlotte’s Web

43. ‘Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?’ Three Amigos

42. ‘You were such a super lady… and I’m, I’m so lonely.’ Fargo

41. ‘There can be only one.’ The Highlander

40. ‘Warriors! Come out to plaaaaay-yay!’ The Warriors

39. ‘Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.’ Die Hard

38. ‘I’ll be there right after my AA meeting.’

    ‘Oh Larry, I didn’t realize you had a drinking problem.’
    ‘Well I don’t really, but that’s where all the deals are being made these days.’ The Player

37. ‘Rommel, you magnificent bastard. I read your book!’ Patton

36. ‘Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.’ RoboCop

35. ‘Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.’ Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

34. ‘We accept you, one of us! Gooble gobble!’ Freaks

33. ‘You’re a bad pony and I’m not gonna bet on you.’ House of Games

32. ‘You have a point — an idiotic one, but a point.’ All About Eve

31. ‘Don’t you think that idea is a little half-baked?’

30. ‘You think wedding vows are going to change everything? God, your naiveté is astounding! Didn’t you see The Graduate?’

    ‘You can remember The Graduate?’
    ‘Yeah, I can remember a few things. Apparently you don’t. The end? Katharine Ross has just married this really cool guy — tall, blond, incredibly popular, the make-out king of his fraternity in Berkeley — when this obnoxious Dustin Hoffman character shows up at the back of the church, acting like a total asshole. ‘Elaine! Elaine!’ Does Katharine Ross tell Dustin Hoffman, ‘Get lost, creep. I’m a married woman’? No. She runs off with him — on a bus. That is reality.’ Barcelona

29. ‘You don’t understand, Osgood! I’m a man!’

28. ‘I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.’ Napoleon Dynamite

27. ‘Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit — ever. They’re like the Viet Cong — Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote.’ Caddyshack

26. ‘Surely you can’t be serious.’

    ‘I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.’ Airplane!

25. ‘Mein Herz schwebt in Blut! That means ‘My heart swims in blood.” The Freshman

24. ‘That was my skull! I’m so wasted!’ Fast Times at Ridgemont High

23. ‘Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?’

    ‘Why, am I the only one who has that dream?’ Real Genius

22. ‘No. No, Mother, I have not been drinking. No. No. These two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me. No, they didn’t give me a chaser.’ North by Northwest

21. ‘You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and… blow.’ To Have and Have Not

20. ‘Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.’ Animal House

19. ‘The point is, ladies and
gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms — greed for life, for money, knowledge — has marked the upward surge of mankind, and greed — you mark my words — will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.’ Wall Street

18. ‘Old age. It’s the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don’t look forward to being cured of.’ Citizen Kane

17. ‘Now you come to me and you say, ‘Don Corleone, give me justice.’ But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder — for money.’ The Godfather

16. ‘Inconceivable!’

    ‘You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’ The Princess Bride

15. ‘I’ll be takin’ these Huggies… and whatever cash ya got.’ Raising Arizona

14. ‘My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell.’ American Beauty

13. ‘Head! Pants! Now!’ So I Married an Axe Murderer

12. ‘You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin’ to? You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you’re talkin’ to?’ Taxi Driver

11. ‘I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.’ They Live

10. ‘Is that crazy enough for ya’? Want me to take a shit on the floor?’ One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

9. ‘Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.’ Planet of the Apes

8. ‘Heeeeeere’s Johnny!’ The Shining

7. ‘You wanna fuck with me? Okay. You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friend!’ Scarface

6. ‘Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges.’ The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

5. ‘I’d like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.’

    ‘A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?’
    ‘Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven’t broken any rules.’
    ‘You want me to hold the chicken, huh?’
    ‘I want you to hold it between your knees.’ Five Easy Pieces

4. ‘I know what you’re thinking: ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?’ Dirty Harry

3. ‘Mother… mother, uh, what is the phrase? She isn’t quite herself today.’ Psycho

2. ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this any more!’ Network

1. ‘Well, I’ve been to one Worlds Fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.’ Dr. Strangelove

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