Despite being diagnosed with lung cancer, Walter White is a survivor against all odds. Those who enter his orbit, however, aren’t always so lucky. Try telling family members of victims of Wayfarer 515 that the chances of dying in a plane crash are 1 in 66,000 or telling Gale Boetticher that the chances of dying from a firearm are 1 in 15,329. In Albuquerque, your life expectancy may be directly related to how close you get to Walter White. Some go out with a bang, some with a squish. Herein, in no particular order, the ten baddest deaths seen so far on Breaking Bad.
1. No-Doze – Beaten to Death
“Just remember who you’re working for,” No-Doze warns Walt and Jesse in the junkyard. Turns out that’s a lesson he should have heeded, since his mean-as-hell boss, Tuco, soon teaches him not to speak out of turn by beating him to death. The fact that No-Doze dies so violently is bad; the fact that the last thing he sees is Tuco’s grille is top-ten worthy.
2. Gonzo – Crushed
No-Doze’s partner has an even less fortunate final sight when his arm gets detached after he’s crushed under a pile of cars. Bleeding inside an auto graveyard is no happy way to end a prosperous career of thuggery.
3. Combo – Shot in Stomach
In the world of drug sales, one risks being shot in a turf war. But who would guess the assailant would be a 10-year-old child? Certainly not Combo, who only realizes his gut has a fatal hole in it after his Big Gulp springs a leak. Combo’s death is substantive proof that, as Saul later quips, Walt and Jesse “suck at peddling meth.”
4. Jane – Choked on Vomit
They say love hurts. They ain’t kidding. One day, you’re a droll tattoo artist slash landlord; the next, you’re a heroin addict whose strung-out boyfriend is unable to restart your heart. What did you do to deserve this? Well, start with falling for a meth dealer, blackmailing his partner, and choking to death on your own vomit.
5. Tuco – Shot in Forehead
Hank’s first Salamanca slay (more on that to come) is no ordinary shoot-out. Already suffering from a stomach wound, Tuco takes cover behind Jesse’s bouncing Monte Carlo. Hank times his shot between bounces to hit Tuco squarely between the eyes and earns himself a handsome trophy: Tuco’s gold grille.
6. Emilio – Gassed, Then Liquified
Walter White’s first victim probably got off the easiest, suffering from only a few whiffs of phosphene gas before kicking the bucket. What happens next, however, is truly bad: after going through the process of “dis-incorporation,” Emilio’s liquefied body exacts revenge on his killers by crashing through Jesse’s ceiling in a pulpy explosion of human goop.
7. Krazy-8 – Choked With Bike Lock
After considering the ethical implications of murder, Walt resolves to let Krazy-8 go, only to then notice that Krazy-8’s stolen a plate shard. Walt’s response? He chokes Krazy-8 to death with a bike lock, securing a wound to the thigh from the shard in response. As slow agonizing deaths go, Krazy-8’s is up there.
8. Spooge – Crushed by ATM
Spooge and his woman are fresh off an ATM heist when Jesse demands (at gunpoint) that they either return his drugs or pay for them. Failed attempts to crack open the ATM lead Spooge to call his woman “skank.” Her response? Crush his brains with the ATM machine.
9. The Cousins – Shot in the Head, Poisoned
As a pair of killers from the cartel, the cousins each meet hyperviolent deaths: one via a hollow-point bullet courtesy of Hank and the other via a deadly injection in the hospital from Gus’s fixer, Mike.
10. Tortuga – Decapitated and Detonated
A victim of the cousins, Tortuga’s demise is particularly grand. Not only was he decapitated by a machete because he ratted the cartel out to the DEA, but his head was placed atop a tortoise rigged to explode and thereby kill or maim several DEA agents. If that’s not bad, what is?