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Hank’s Blog – Hank’s Back!


Hey everyone, Walter, Jr. here. I finally got my Uncle Hank to agree to write an entry. He’s been in a super cranky mood, so he keeps saying no, but I convinced him that people won’t care. They just want to hear what he has to say, even if it is complaining. So… I’m gonna type everything he says since he’s still kinda tired and hurting. So, here goes — the return of Hank:

That’s right, after what I’m sure felt like several lonely months to you all, the Hankster is back. Like the nephew said, he’s typing for me. I really don’t feel like blogging these days, what with being shot and all, but the kid wouldn’t shut up about it. Plus, I know he’s got a few more “Hank falls on his ass” stories that I don’t think need to be shared.

Don’t worry. I told him just to type everything I say and nothing else. And I’m gonna try to keep the language clean for the benefit of his young, virginal ears. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure the kid knows filthier shit than I do, but I gotta keep it clean for his mom — she’s a regular mama bear. Course, I guess I just said shit there… better take that out. (Walter, Jr.: Yeah right — I’m typing everything he says the way he says it. I follow orders!)

Not much to report — it’s been pretty quiet here. Quiet and boring as hell. Hospitals are like that. As for what happened to me? Well, let’s just say I’m a little more aerated these days. My liver had been begging me for some fresh air, so I obliged it.

I gotta say, I’m impressed the kid can spell aerated. (Walter, Jr.: Mom’s already making me study for the SATs. Plus, I’m impressed Uncle Hank knows what aerated means.) But if you think I’m a mess, you should see the other guys. Effed the mofos up good. (Walter, Jr.: Okay… I censored that one a little bit.) But, I gotta say… in the immortal words of Roger Murtaugh: “I’m too old for this shit.” I think maybe it’s time to slow down. And nothing slows you down faster than a few bullets to the abdomen.

That’s all I got for now. Seriously — this shit hurts worse than a spike to the balls, but that’s what this special little button they hooked me up with is for.

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