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Hank’s Blog – Sometimes Being the Muscle Sucks


Remember what I said about not wanting to get anywhere near anyone else’s marriage? Yeah… that didn’t work out too well. I hate going into details, but this is my place to vent, so here’s what you need to know: Some family members of mine are going through a little rough patch in their marriage. Happens all the time — people get through it. Usually you just stay neutral and let them sort it out. Unfortunately, in this case, I have to take a side. I don’t want to take a side, believe me. I don’t like to leave a guy hanging, no support, when his wife kicks him out. I like to give a guy the benefit of the doubt. But… when his wife is sisters with your wife, the line in the sand is pretty firmly drawn.

So this week I get sent over to the family abode to evict the poor sap. He’s been squatting for a while — not the best strategy to win your wife back. I say you take a step back, give her a little space, some time to miss you, and then go in guns blazing. Lay on the hardcore charm, cook a fancy dinner, bring her roses — you know, the whole shebang.

Anyway, for now, his lease is up and he’s gotta move. My wife asks me to do this as a favor, you know. Go over there, help him pack, and if he won’t leave, throw a little muscle around. Now, when Vito Corleone asks you to do a favor for him, you do it. Same general principal here (but, in this case, Vito is really scary).

I head on over there — out of my damn head with joy, I mean practically singing the entire freakin’ Sound of Music soundtrack, to be running this little errand. Luckily when I get there, he’s dressed. Thank God, because I was sure he’d be curled up on the floor in his underpants, and I really, really did not want to play nursemaid to that. So, kudos to him — if my wife left me, I know personal hygiene would be about the last thing on my mind. That’s not to say you couldn’t tell he’s hurting. The living room looked pretty, uh, lived in, but at least my boy there was cleaned up. I gave him a little pep talk about tactical retreats, lugged his crap over to a hotel and wished him well.

Now, let’s all say a little prayer here that this field trip was the last of my duties in this whole messed up situation, and I can get back to the important things, like brewing beer and busting bad guys.

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