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Hank’s Blog – Happy Trails


The shit’s really hit the fan, you guys. I’m starting to wonder if we’ve slipped into some sort of alternative “everything sucks” universe. No doubt you heard about that plane crash. Jesus, how crazy is that? I don’t even know what happened. All I know is, I’m standing there debating the virtues of various Romantic poets with Gomie when all of a sudden, there’s this enormous… Alright, you caught me. I was actually in the can, uh… restoring my personal comfort, when that insane explosion happened. Luckily I was in the right place, so any sort of instinctual bodily reactions wouldn’t take me by surprise. I still can’t get over it. But honestly, that’s not the craziest thing going on in my life right now (and I ain’t talking about the wife…). Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks.

It’s sensitive, so I can’t get into details, but we’re having, well, a family situation. Hell, I don’t even really know what’s going on. All I know is that Casa Schrader will be hosting a few more people than usual for a little while. Not that I mind having family over, of course. My wife’ll set the place up like the most efficient, dementedly purple bed and breakfast you’ve ever seen. I’m just stoked for the special “we have guests” pancakes that I’ll be getting.

I just have no idea why all this is happening. It’s like, shit literally fell out of the freaking sky — maybe we can put our problems behind us for a bit. But then, you can never tell what’s going on in anyone’s relationship but your own. Hell, not even that half the time. I know some people don’t really get me and Marie — how I worked my magical sexy voodoo to trick her into marrying me. (Answer — I’m just that good.) But, seriously, you just never know what brings people together or what dopey, moronic shit they do that sends the other one packing. (I’m guessing there was some epic idiocy here, but I’m short on details… and I prefer to stay that way.)

Anyway, due to the recent craziness that my family life has become, it looks like I might have to take a little time off from this blog. I gotta admit, I’m kinda sad about it. It’s funny, I started writing this thing mostly to get my nephew to quit bugging me already. I figured I’d write a couple stories down that he could show his friends, and that’d be it. But I’ve gotten kind of attached to this little blog, and to you guys, my faithful (and, let’s be honest, at times a bit critical) readers. I never expected so many people to read this thing. Guess I never realized just how many losers with too much time on their hands there are on the internet. Ah, I’m just giving you all crap. See, I start busting your balls (or whatever the equivalent is for you ladies — ovaries… huevos? Nah, huevos is balls again. Maybe one of you has an idea…), and you know you’re in.

So, (gotta just rip that Band-Aid off) until we meet again, adios, amigos. Hankster out!

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