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Hank’s Blog – When Drinking and Pools Collide


As you all know, I am the occasional consumer of a fine, “brewed to silky perfection” bottle of beer. I might even partake of something a bit stronger from time to time. During off hours. And never to excess. Well… hardly ever.

Anyway, I was in a situation the other day that reminded me of that fine line between “lovable drunkard” and “drunk asshole.” (And why, of course, it is always wrong for someone not of legal drinking age to drink. Have you ever seen someone vomit in a pool before? I’ve seen the aftermath, and it ain’t pretty. Wouldn’t want to have to clean that baby up. Guess that’s the darker, non-cougar banging side of the pool boy life.)

So I had this confrontation with someone who had gotten a bit too chummy with Senor Tequila. I’ve seen this guy drink before, but I wasn’t prepared for the little Jekyll and Hyde thing he had going on. (Of course, I could have taken him if it came to a fight, but it would have been a hollow victory. The guy’s not exactly tough.) I shouldn’t say who this person is — well, he probably wouldn’t mind. Nah, I can’t — best to use some discretion in this case. Let’s just say he likes science and shares a name with Harvey Keitel’s character in a certain Tarantino film.

Now, I’m not upset at this person. I mean, hell, I’ve been there. I think we’ve all been there at some point. One minute you’re innocently dancing on a table, and the next you’re… well, let’s just say that’s why I personally don’t drink Jagermeister anymore.

Oh man! It’s hard though now that I’ve seen this thing in SkyMall. It’s this machine that you put your bottle of Jager in, and it chills your shots. How great is that? Of course, I can’t justify actually buying it. The sucker’s like, 170 bucks or something completely obscene like that. But maybe my brother-in-law can come up with something. (He kind of owes me one. The reason why is unimportant.) You know, some dry ice or liquid nitrogen or sub-zero chamber deal. Guy’s brain has to be useful for something other than cleaning up at Trivial Pursuit, right?

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