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Hank’s Blog – You Sounded Taller on the Internet


The Hankster here again. So, I’ve been thinking about this whole blogging thing and wondering what the big deal is. What’s the point? I know these kids are on their blogs and their Face Space or whatever the hell it is and texting all the time — I wasn’t really getting it. Who cares Smokey_200x250.jpgwhat you ate for breakfast or if Twinkles the cat is barfing all over your new throw pillow? But I was sitting there, up late, watching Smokey and the Bandit — one of the greatest movies of all time, by the way. (I swear, if I believed in that reincarnation b.s. that those hippies down at my wife’s yoga studio are always filling her head with, I would come back as Burt F-ing Reynolds, my friends. He took care of business.)

Anyway, so I’m watching Smokey and the Bandit, and it hits me. This blogging stuff is the Y2K version of CB radio. Think about it: Driving late at night, thumb up your ass, nothing to do? Hop on the CB – instant entertainment. No shortage of freak shows ready to share. Same as this Internet blogging stuff.

I miss those days. I had this sweet set up in my Trans Am. Just drive all night, talking to whoever was around. One time, like 3 AM, I’m talking to this crazy trucker who’d been up something like two weeks solid. Kinda funny now because he was probably hopped up on a crap ton of illicit substances — I’d bust his ass on now. He was babbling about how he’d just given a ride to Elvis himself, who was apparently still alive and hitching rides all up and down the Southwest. Course if I had a nickel for every trucker with an “I gave Elvis a lift” story, I wouldn’t be stuck sitting on stakeouts, smelling my partner’s stale farts. (Gomie, I mean it, lay off the frijoles, my man.)

Course, I can’t talk about Smokey without giving a “shout out” to the greatest show ever made – The Dukes of Hazzard. Way better than this weak crapola you got running now. All these cretinous degenerates looking for “love.” Yeah, right. Looking for a serious course of antibiotics is what they should be doing, if you catch my drift.

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