Now, I’m a pretty easy-going guy, but I’m a little frustrated right now. I was dealing with this suspect the other day, and what went down is still bugging me. And no, I’m not talking about the fact that one of my witnesses took a giant shit in the interrogation room. Yeah, thanks gramps, appreciate it. This job sometimes…
Anyway, my suspect: Now, I can’t get into details because this case is a little… sensitive. But suffice it to say, I know this little sweaty rat bastard jerk is guilty. Even if certain colleagues of mine do not agree, I could tell just from the flopsweat on his brow the second I started asking questions that this crotch-stain was hiding something big.
I got this kid in the room, and he’s spinning some ridiculous alibi that wouldn’t fool a retarded (oh wait, excuse me — mentally challenged) douchebucket. He’s got some dumb skeezy “lady of the night” vouching for him. I know this walking STD, and she ain’t what you’d call a reliable witness. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and conjecture that some money and/or crystal was exchanged for that “rock-solid” story.
I don’t know, these wannabe banger jackholes with one foot in the grave — they just chap my ass. I look at them in their floppy pants ten times bigger than they are, and I just weep for today’s youth — metaphorically speaking that is. It’s a good thing I got my nephew to keep my faith in “Generation Dumber-than-Shit” going. I just gotta hope he’s not the exception, you know what I mean?
I figure I’ll find something on this kid eventually. He’s gonna slip up, and that skank bomb “girlfriend” of his isn’t gonna be able to help him next time. But honestly, as a great man once said, “If the law don’t get them, the mountain will.” The Cartel boys he’s messing with are not known for their mercy and tact.
On the bright side, I can thank the little punk for a little cash donation we confiscated. That’s right asshat, guess who’s got your money now? That’ll buy us some shiny new surveillance equipment, new softball uniforms… hell, now we can get the good candy for the snack machines.
Man, just thinking about all the stuff I can spend that skinny poseur’s money on is giving me goosebumps. I can’t wait to crack open some catalogs. Schrader out!Read More