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The Good, The Bad and The Scary – June 15, 2009

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OK, now that everyone’s seen Drag Me to Hell at least twice (if only to figure out why there was an anvil hanging from the ceiling of a suburban garage), we can return to business, namely sitting in judgment of the talented, the hacks, the money-grubbers and the artistes. There’s something for everyone this week, as you’ll soon discover.


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The Good
Rank Movie
1 phantasm_ii75x75.jpg

Phantasm II
Unavailable for home viewing for twenty years, Don Coscarelli’s bizarre masterpiece of a series can be experienced anytime and anywhere. Yay!

2 nightbreed75x75.jpg Nightbreed
I have a soft spot for Clive Barker ‘s movie about a secret town of monsters. Now it turns out there’s a work print with 45 extra minutes of footage…a DVD release is in development.
3 realexorcist75x75.jpg The Real Exorcist
Points for trying: Vertigo Entertainment is making a movie based on the (allegedly) true story that inspired The Exorcist… wait, didn’t I see that on Showtime nine years ago as Possessed?
4 jonah_hex75x75.jpg Jonah Hex
Attention teen boys: Megan Fox has signed on as a “no-nonsense” prostitute with a gun. And that’s a step up for America’s nerd crush, last seen dry-humping a motorcycle in the Transformers 2 trailer.
5 scream4-75x75.jpg Scream 4
The Weinsteins wanted Wes Craven to direct what sounds like a shot-for-shot remake with the original cast in their original roles. Craven just said no — interesting, in light of this week’s -5.

Read on… but beware…


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The Bad
Rank Movie
-1 alien75x75.jpg Alien Prequel
OK, so Fox wants Ridley Scott to direct, but he wants Carl Erick Rinsch. Carl Erik Rinsch who? His most impressive credit is “friend of Ridley Scott.” Face it, Ridley — they’re doing this with or without you.
-2 predator75x75.jpg Predators
Robert Rodriguez quashed rumors of an Arnold Schwarzenegger would cameo. I guess he’s too busy treading the jeweled thrones of California beneath his sandaled feet or something.
-3 saw75x75.jpg Saw VI
Maybe it’s all a PR stunt, but blog posts emerging from the editing suite suggest that Saw VI is so complex, noisy and brutal that the cutters had to be sent for a rest cure. Note: that doesn’t mean the movie is good.
-4 piranha-3d75x75.jpg Piranha 3-D
There’s no other explanation: The entire marketing budget is devoted to trivial, non-news press releases. We now know that Eli Roth will have a cameo as the judge of a wet T-shirt contest. Happy, happy, joy, joy.
-5 nightmare-on-elm-street-freddy-headshot-small-75x75.jpg A Nightmare on Elm Street
So I’m still looking forward to it, but I was really disappointed to hear that the producers didn’t even tell Wes Craven that they were remaking his best film. Can you say “Giant, no-account jerks?” Seriously, that was a douche-bag move.

David Wellington is a horror novelist whose latest book is Vampire Zero. He lives in New York City with his wife Elisabeth and his dog Mary, named after Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein.

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