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Horror Brides Tourney, Round One: So I Married an Ax Murderer (No. 7) vs. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (No. 10)

So I Married an Ax Murderer (No. 7) vs. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (No. 10)” width=”560″/>

OK, can someone please tell me something? What is the deal with vamps and their matrimonial obsession? Come on, Vlad! Think for a second: You can turn into smoke and sneak under doors. You can morph into a bat and undress chicks with your eyes (actually, your eyes lull them into a hypnotic trance and they undress themselves, which is a little bit better and a lot more seemly). And yet you want to get married worse than a middle-aged spinster with four mouths to feed.

So frankly, I don’t have a lot of faith in No. 10 seed Joanna Lumley, from The Satanic Rites of Dracula (aka, Count Dracula and his Vampire Bride), Lumley is the love interest of doom, and while that looks great on a wedding invitation, she’s up against a cult classic of a horror bride, the seventh-seeded Mrs. X of So I Married an Axe Murderer. Played to perfection by Nancy Travis, this hard-hearted harbinger of haggis enters the ring armed with a bunny- boiling stare.

Joanna, are you ready? Mrs. X, are you ready? Let’s get it on!

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