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Horror Power Ranking – January 12, 2009

Mark my words: My Bloody Valentine 3D, the perfectly marketed movie from Lionsgate, will be the cross-over horror hit of the season. That means we’ll get a few sequels, which is nice, because we don’t see enough of evil 3D killer miners. Whew. In other news, Guillermo del Toro is writing some novels, and Spider-Man 4 shows up on a Horror Power Ranking? But why? I guess you’ll just have to read on to find out:


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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW Movie
1 2 mybloodyvalentine3d-75x75.jpg My Bloody Valentine 3D
A conversation I just had with a friend: “Yeah, I don’t like horror movies at all. Why do they make them?” Cut to ten minutes later: “My Bloody Valentine 3D looks great!” Lionsgate, who we slammed last week, finally does something right.
2 5 night_projectionist-75x75.jpg The Night Projectionist
Interest in this comic book-to-movie seems to be growing, with our own AMC grabbing a nice photo spread, and commenter scary_man pitching it as “Scream meets 30 Days of Night.” Hey, more Scream than 30 Days, and we’re there.
3 lasthouseontheleft-75x75.jpg Last House on the Left
See, this is how you do a remake. With Wes Craven’s help, the trailer for the LHotL remake looks like a creepy succesor to the original. Since it’s a remake, I can’t muster as much enthusiasm as for our numbers 1 and 2, but this is one to watch.
4 guillermo-del-toro-75x75.jpg Guillermo del Toro’s Vampires!
OK, that’s not the actual title, but del Toro is writing a trilogy of horror novels about vampires. I’m a little curious to see how the (hilarious in person, btw) director works without his trademark visual whimsy.
5 6 underworld-rise-75x75.jpg Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Continuing our discussion from last week, there are movies that look good-good (LHotL), good-bad (MBV3D), and then there’s Underworld. Which I know will be bad. Like, bad-bad. But… that’s what makes it good. To be continued.
6 1 unborn_poster2-75x75.jpg The Unborn
Oops. I think we’re going to have to eat our own twin here. Despite championing this horror flick, it stumbled at the box office, got reviews only slightly better than Bride Wars (13% on Rotten Tomatoes), and generally repelled audiences. Oh well.
7 7 uninvited-75x75.jpg The Uninvited
Completing our “Un” trifecta, The Unborn‘s loss is The Uninvited‘s gain. Weeks ago, I said that audiences wouldn’t flock to two similarly named horror movies. Well, people didn’t go see The Unborn, so go get ’em, The Uninvited.
8 8 friday13th0307-75x75.jpg Friday the 13th
Look, Friday the 13th, you’re officially on notice here. I’m keeping you even this week, but you better start blowing my mind soon, or you’re off the list. No ads, and no mention of the movie make Alex an angry fan.
9 Spider-Man-4-75x75.jpg Spider-Man 4
Don’t worry, you’re not reading the SciFi Ranking by mistake. Sam Raimi thinks Morbius the Living Vampire should be the villain in Spider-Man 4, taking it squarely into horror territory… And would make Spider-Man 3 look like Citizen Kane.
10 ofthedead-75x75.jpg …Of the Dead
This is just making me sad. George Romero is an American Horror Hero, no doubt. But with a stubborn refusal to try anything but zombie movies, the worst title ever, and a trailer that just looks bad, this is probably one to skip… Of the dead.
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