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Horror Power Ranking List — The Ruins Still Rules

Everyone loves lists. We make lists of our top ten movies, our favorite restaurants, body parts we’ll eat first when zombies take over the world and we’re trapped in our attics and starving to death. Crazy people make lists. Military dictators make lists. Paranoid maniacs make lists. Lists make the world go round.

So welcome to the Horror Power Ranking List, MonsterFest’s list that ranks what’s going on in horror this week, from the top five to the bottom five – the five best things and the five worst. We use science to break each item down into its basic elements in order to accurately determine its TEV (Total Entertainment Value) and then, using complex algorithms, we determine exactly where it should be ranked on the HPRL (Horror Power Ranking List). So if you disagree with our rankings, you’re probably wrong. We use science. You use opinions. Science wins.

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Horror Power Rankings
Rank LW   Movie (or Comic, etc.)
1 The Ruins
Packing the most TEV into the least amount of space is newly-released horror flick The Ruins, which is like Frito’s Pie: It’s disgusting yet delicious and three hours later not a trace of it is left in your system. Sure it’s getting bad reviews, but so did John Carpenter’s The Thing when it came out.
2 Bad Biology
Basket Case auteur Frank Henenlotter premiered his latest movie in the “Danger After Dark” portion of the Philadelphia Film Festival. There’s no release date or distributor yet but he scores high on the Power List because his self-described “godawful love story” is so perverted.
3 Tokyo Gore Police
On June 3, the trashy, ridiculously bloody Japanese flick The Machine Girl hits DVD but that movie’s production company has just released a trailer for their follow-up Tokyo Gore Police (helmed by Machine Girl‘s special effects director). Be warned: this video redefines NSFW.
4 The Fury
Next Friday AMC dishes up Brian DePalma’s psychic epic The Fury. You’ve probably seen it a million times, but what you might not know is John Williams (fresh off Close Encounters of the Third Kind) did the score. It’s one of his best: dissonant, angry and full of synths and theremin. An influence on endless soundtracks, including The Matrix.
5 The Walking Dead
Writer Robert Kirkman is interviewed in The Comics Journal this month, and while many fans have abandoned his five-year-old zombie comic book, The Walking Dead is still inarguably the best horror comic out there. The next trade collection comes out next Tuesday, April 16
6 Cloverfield
Purists expected Japan, home of Godzilla, to kick Cloverfield to the curb, but it opened there last weekend and did great business. Add to that the fact that little viral videos are already popping up online and Cloverfield resurfaces at Number 6
7 Day of the Dead
The straight-to-DVD remake of Day of the Dead hit Blockbuster this week. Starring Ving Rhames and American Beauty‘s Mena Suvari, it could’ve been a guilty pleasure instead of a blasphemous tampering with George A. Romero’s trilogy if they’d simply called it Attack of the Surprisingly Fast Corpses.
8 Hellraiser
The directors of the unbelievably appalling (and therefore totally great) Inside have walked off the Hellraiser remake they were helming due to contractual disputes with the studio. They are French and they are annoyed.
9 Prom Night
A PG-13 remake of the original, the new Prom Night has neither Jamie Lee Curtis nor Leslie Nielsen. This one walks in the footsteps of the House of Wax remake, and the He Knows You’re Alone remake, or the Halloween remake, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Not good.
10 Rogue
The good news: Rogue, the giant killer crocodile picture from the director of Wolf Creek is finally getting a limited theatrical release on April 25. The bad news: the previously announced April release of All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is postponed indefinitely.

 

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