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Lessons Learned — 2005

Another year has passed and the staff at filmcritic.com is another year wiser. Want proof? Here’s a list of all the lessons we learned by watching movies in 2005, from the art house flick to the blockbusters.

Enjoy the list and have a happy and knowledge-filled 2006.

> Transvestite Thai kickboxers use waterproof makeup. (Beautiful Boxer) Don Willmott

> Geisha women sell their virginity to the highest bidder. (Memoirs of a Geisha) Jules Brenner

> Make love — a hell of a lot of love — not war. (Casanova) Blake French

> TV weathermen play the averages. (The Weather Man) JB

> In many parts of the world you can buy an AK-47 for less than the cost of a DVD. (Lord of War) Chris Barsanti

> In Japan, convenience stores throw out the day’s unbought sushi every afternoon. (Nobody Knows) DW

> Truman Capote published nothing after In Cold Blood. (Capote) JB

> ‘God doesn’t rob banks!’ ‘God doesn’t rob banks!’ (Millions) Norm Schrager

> You can get anywhere on an airplane from the passenger cabin. (Flightplan) Christopher Null

> Sexual reassignment surgery is very, very, very painful. (Transamerica) CB

> Getting your chest waxed is very, very, very painful. (The 40-Year-Old Virgin) Pete Croatto

> All great cities must fall in order retain balance in the world. (Batman Begins) NS

> Eleanor Roosevelt was a big dyke. (Wedding Crashers) CN

> When in need, spit makes for a dandy lubricant. (Brokeback Mountain) Also, when in need, a pen makes a dandy weapon. (Red Eye) CB

> When looking to score at a wedding, look for the girl with the lower back tattoo. (Wedding Crashers) PC

> In Gotham City, everyone takes cold showers. (Why? Because the chemical that the Scarecrow puts the water is only effective if it’s turned to steam, yet no one goes crazy before they blow up the water pipes.) (Batman Begins) CN

> Just because they tolerate you does not mean that animals either love or have any interest in you besides food. (Grizzly Man) CB

> Chocolate triggers the release of endorphins. (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) PC

> Ellis Island was once known as Oyster Island. (Hitch) PC

> Kids can have tremendous success in sex chat rooms. (You and Me and Everyone We Know) PC

> A weak handshake is a sign of indecision. (The Squid and the Whale) PC

> Hint for surviving an alien attack: the aliens don’t seem to know about Boston. (War of the Worlds) DW

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