For some of us, Valentine’s Day is a holiday full of love, kindness and blissful intimacy. To a lot of other people, the day is about as welcome as a kick in the shin. Some of us are stuck in unpromising relationships, or don’t know how to take it to the next level. Others are lonely or jealous about what others possess.
With this in mind, we’ve compiled a list of movies that just about anybody in the planet can enjoy regardless of age or relationship — or lack thereof. We’ve also included a few to avoid this holiday, though contrarians may find them just the ticket.
Without further ado, our guide to the best video for you and your sweetheart.
Best for lonely guys: Anything where Jason Biggs gets lucky. With his refreshing lack of matinee-idol looks, the earnest actor has gotten intimate with Shannon Elizabeth (American Pie), Mena Suvari (Loser), Amanda Peet and Amanda Detmer (Saving Silverman) in recent outings.
Best for lonely girls: Titanic. Its listing here does not mean I adore it. How it won so many awards and accolades is about as big a mystery to me as JFK’s death.
Best to get over a break-up (female division): An Unmarried Woman, The Last Seduction. In the first movie, Jill Clayburgh frees herself of the shackles of men with patience and pluck. In the second movie, Linda Fiorentino uses sex, smarts, and pepper spray.
Best to get over a break-up (male division): Only the Lonely. John Candy, wearing his vulnerability and charm on his sleeve, finally gets the girl.
Best for teenagers: Gregory’s Girl. Not a single model or 25-year-old in the bunch. And unlike most of the teen movies produced now, this one is told with honesty, wit, and heart. Nice guys do finish first.
Runner-up: (Here come the snickers from my colleagues…) Lucas.
Best guilty pleasure: Cruel Intentions.
Best movies to watch with your valentine and your grandparents: Bringing Up Baby, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. In Baby, Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant prove why they were matinee idols. In Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, it’s proved unequivocally that kick-ass romantic musicals about acrobatic lumberjacks can indeed be made.
Best lesbian love story (w/undertones): Fried Green Tomatoes.
Best lesbian love story (w/no undertones whatsoever): Bound, Boys Don’t Cry. Forget the eye-spinning sex scene, Bound is an exceptionally good caper, and Boys’ romance between Chloë Sevigny and Hilary Swank is why we go to the movies.
Worst movie for a first date: Wild Things, or any project connected with Joe Ezterhas or Andrew Sidaris. I’d explain further, but my parents might be reading this.
Best movie for a first date: I agree with Roger Ebert when he wrote that any movie that’ll provoke some kind of conversation afterwards is a good date movie. In that vein, I elect Magnolia, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and the Coen brothers’ entire body of work.
Best to start a break-up: Husbands and Wives, Your Friends and Neighbors, Carnal Knowledge. All the doubt and second thoughts in relationships get paraded in this trio. If he or she doesn’t get the hint, try Love Stinks. While your mate is floored at how awful it is, you can sneak away.
Best movie involving Nora Ephron: When Harry Met Sally….
Best for an insulin shot: Untamed Heart, Titanic, Love Story.
For single men, the best movies that’ll make you feel grateful you’re not in a relationship: Waiting to Exhale, My Best Friend’s Wedding.Read More