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Maggie’s Blog – Little White Lies

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Sophie slept thought the night last night for the first time since Craig left. She’s been through so much the last few months, and I work hard to be brave for her. It’s frightening at times. Living in New York, away from everyone we know, but I’m also proud of what we’ve done. Despite the setback with Craig, Sophie has shown a strength of spirit I admire. Making friends and doing well at school.

I’m still determined to become a translator. I study on my lunch breaks, weekends and at night after Sophie’s asleep. It’s important to me to have a career and not just be an assistant. It’s important for Sophie too. She desperately needs a role model. She is my motivator when all else is bad – I only need to see her smiling face to remind me of what I’m after.

I’ve been grateful things at home have been more quiet. Especially since the last few days have been tense at work. Something big is brewing, and everyone is on edge. I’ve heard rumors that Will’s been leaving early and coming in late. After 9/11, he was early for everything. But he’s changed since David’s death. More isolated. Paranoid. Distracted. And with the pressures at work…

Before my transfer, I noticed he was spending more time with K.I.. He says he’s Will’s guardian angel. Will needs one. K.I. seems to care, he’s even asked after Sophie, but there’s some larger motivation for his actions. Some game Will and I are a part of. It’s unsettling not knowing what role we’re playing.

I was elated when K.I. told me Will requested I return to Team E. But when I dropped off some files at the conference room, Will glanced at me quickly without even a smile or a nod. Could it be K.I. made him take me back? But why force us to work together again? Maybe I’m the paranoid one.

I could tell it would be a long day so I decided to send a runner for coffee. They all chug caffeine. All but Miles. His favorite is milk. “Straight up,” as he likes to order it.

I hesitated as I got to Tanya’s office. We were all surprised she was released from rehab so quickly. Even Craig was in rehab longer than her. She was crying when I entered. I didn’t ask after her and regretted it later on. When she asked about Julia’s stuff, I felt like I was lying. Lying that it was only temporary. I can see she’s crumbling already. Is this what I’ve learned from working for K.I.? How to lie? The lie didn’t help. She saw right through it. But I’ve never been a good liar, K.I. could see that. Practice has not made perfect, and yet I lied anyway.

Will ordered his usual. He was cordial. Professional. Distant. Yet I expected different, wanted different, because I need this escape. This escape to a world where Will and I are happy, and Sophie has a stable home. I know the escape will never be enough, and may only ever be a mirage, but if it helps me bridge the gap between how my life is now and what I hope it will become – who can fault me?

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