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Maggie’s Blog – How Could I Have Been So Stupid?

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How could I have been so stupid to have trusted K.I.? How could it be that little Japanese candy wrappers could hold so much weight? I hate him. HATE HIM. I never should have agreed to snoop for him. I want to leave. In fact, when K.I. told me that he’d told Will I’d been spying on him, I tried to quit on the spot, but K.I. wouldn’t let me. My mother says I need my job more than I need to be right. She’s right. But how do I face Will each day with him knowing that every time I went into his office, I was trying to find little clues — albeit innocuous ones — to give to his boss?

I’ve always known in the long run this would get better, but is there ever even going to be a long run? Will doesn’t trust anyone to begin with. I wish I could tell him the care I took in making sure that I never gave K.I. anything that would ever blow back hard on him. I would never, ever knowingly do that. But how do you tell someone, “Yeah, OK, I was spying on you, but only a little bit, and in fact I was protecting you”? He’ll never believe me, and I’ll never have the nerve to confront him. Now that I’m being moved to a different floor, I don’t know when I’ll ever see him again. K.I. told me I’m going to be a floater until something opens up in translation. Who knows how long that will take? And who knows who I’ll end up working for in the meantime? There are all sorts of shady characters in that office, and nobody takes a temp very seriously. And can I even believe K.I. when he says he’ll get me into translation if something opens up? I don’t trust him any more than Will does. I’ve really messed things up.

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