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Hank’s Blog – Stylin’

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I may have mentioned in passing that I’m a little bit of a fan of The Dukes of Hazzard. It’s true — I have a bit more than a passing interest in the show. In fact, for my wedding, I wore a suit inspired by Boss Hogg. Inspired by? Hell, it was as close as humanly possible. Say what you want about the guy — he’s corrupt, imbecilic, easily thwarted, a bit of an over-eater — but he had some style.

My beautiful bride was unhappy (by which I mean, ready to rip my skin off), but I figured if I can handle the “all purple, all the time” theme she has going on, she could handle a little kick-ass white suit action. I’m telling you guys, her attachment to purple I’m thinking borders on the pathological at this point. I have nothing against the color, really. Okay, it is really girly — no matter how much she tries to convince me it’s “regal.” Yeah, yeah, “Color of royalty,” I get it. Do you see a king around here anywhere? Some princesses? Perhaps an Earl? No? Okay, then.

So I insisted on my white suit (hey, at least one of us should be wearing white, right?) even though every other damn thing in the wedding was purple. Of course, I still haven’t heard the end of it. Every time she breaks out those wedding pictures, it’s on-an-on about the suit. “Why can’t we have nice things? Did you really need the hat?” Yes, Baby, I needed the hat. The hat made the outfit. It’s a good thing I love her, you know. She’d never admit this, but I’m pretty sure she loved it. She should — I looked hot!

That thing was a bitch to keep clean though. I barely got the rental place to give me my deposit back thanks to a little accident with the gravy boat. But I put on the Hank charm and, boom! Full deposit.

Now, it pains me, but I do have one complaint about The Dukes of Hazzard: It always bugs me just how much all the law enforcement officers suck at driving. You’d think that after the first, oh… 50 or 60 times the Duke boys evaded them, they’d, I don’t know, take a little defensive driving lesson.

But hey, who really wants to see the General Lee taken down? That was a fine car. Finer perhaps than Daisy’s assets… Well, maybe it’s a draw.

(Nah… the car wins. Every time.)

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