Feeling Minnesota (1996)

Description   [from Freebase]

Feeling Minnesota is a 1996 American romantic comedy film, directed by Steven Baigelman, starring Keanu Reeves, Vincent D'Onofrio, Cameron Diaz, Tuesday Weld and Courtney Love. Freddie (Cameron Diaz) is a former stripper marrying Sam (Vincent D'Onofrio) to repay a debt owed to nightclub owner Red. But Freddie is in love with Jjaks (Keanu Reeves), Sam's brother. Jjaks and Freddie run off together, and Sam finds where they have been hiding and calls the cops. Meanwhile someone calls to blackmail Sam and Jjaks. Sam ends up shooting Freddie in the stomach in Jjak's car, and tries to frame the killing on Jjaks. Sam partially admits his crime to a waiter in the local diner. Jjaks hastily avoids being caught by the police, and eventually Sam ends up shooting and killing Red (Delroy Lindo) when he threatens Sam. Sam confronts Jjaks and Freddie, who had survived the wound, in a hotel room. Sam ends up getting shot when Jjaks and Freddie try to defend themselves. A corrupt Detective, Ben Costikyan (Dan Aykroyd) enters the hotel room and suffocates Sam by holding his hand against his mouth. A few months later, Ben is arrested in his underwear inside his mansion.


Feeling Minnesota

In case you’ve been wondering, Feeling Minnesota is a film ‘inspired by a line in a Soundgarden song.’ This little fun fact is about as interesting as the film ever gets, and the wary moviegoer is well-advised to limit his Minnesota experience to looking at a poster for the film in the movie theater’s lobby. And even then, you shouldn’t look at the poster for very long.

As near as I can tell, this is the story of Jjaks (Keanu Reeves, and no that’s not a typo), his brother Sam (Vincent D’Onofrio, ‘Gomer Pyle’ from Full Metal Jacket), and Sam’s slutty new wife Freddie (Cameron Diaz). Everyone’s pretty miserable (ostensibly having something to do with their humdrum Minnesota existence). And Sam and Jjaks fight a lot (ostensibly over Freddie).

Feeling Minnesota is repellent in every way imaginable, from first-time writer-director Steven Baigelman’s rotten script and worse direction, to bad dialogue, bad editing, bad casting, bad lighting, and even bad shot composition. And then there’s the performance of Cameron Diaz, the horror of which can only be matched by the pathetic and bile-raising monotone of Keanu Reeves. Put it all together and you get a cesspool that indeed captures the depth of a movie that was inspired by a heavy metal song lyric.

Rarely has a movie been made without so much as a glimmer of having a point. And it’s almost shocking to imagine how Baigelman managed to get through 95 minutes of film without a single comedic or dramatic moment!

But let me give a little credit where it is due — to Diaz’s one good line early in the movie, one of the times when she’s frequently bemoaning her existence, saying, ‘I used to be unborn!’ If only it could have stayed that way!

Avoid at all costs. View at your own peril. You have been warned.

Which is the better actor: Cameron Diaz, or her bottle of Rolling Rock? It’s a toss-up.

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