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Feeling Minnesota (1996)


In case you’ve been wondering, Feeling Minnesota is a film ‘inspired by a line in a Soundgarden song.’ This little fun fact is about as interesting as the film ever gets, and the wary moviegoer is well-advised to limit his Minnesota experience to looking at a poster for the film in the movie theater’s lobby. And even then, you shouldn’t look at the poster for very long.

As near as I can tell, this is the story of Jjaks (Keanu Reeves, and no that’s not a typo), his brother Sam (Vincent D’Onofrio, ‘Gomer Pyle’ from Full Metal Jacket), and Sam’s slutty new wife Freddie (Cameron Diaz). Everyone’s pretty miserable (ostensibly having something to do with their humdrum Minnesota existence). And Sam and Jjaks fight a lot (ostensibly over Freddie).

Feeling Minnesota is repellent in every way imaginable, from first-time writer-director Steven Baigelman’s rotten script and worse direction, to bad dialogue, bad editing, bad casting, bad lighting, and even bad shot composition. And then there’s the performance of Cameron Diaz, the horror of which can only be matched by the pathetic and bile-raising monotone of Keanu Reeves. Put it all together and you get a cesspool that indeed captures the depth of a movie that was inspired by a heavy metal song lyric.

Rarely has a movie been made without so much as a glimmer of having a point. And it’s almost shocking to imagine how Baigelman managed to get through 95 minutes of film without a single comedic or dramatic moment!

But let me give a little credit where it is due — to Diaz’s one good line early in the movie, one of the times when she’s frequently bemoaning her existence, saying, ‘I used to be unborn!’ If only it could have stayed that way!

Avoid at all costs. View at your own peril. You have been warned.

Which is the better actor: Cameron Diaz, or her bottle of Rolling Rock? It’s a toss-up.